从跨文化角度谈中美友谊观的差异

论文总字数：30580字

摘 要

当今社会，跨文化交际变得越来越频繁和重要。人们在跨文化交际的过程中建立了深厚的友谊，然而有些人却因为来自不同的国家，对友谊有着不同的理解, 在其交流过程中引发误解和争端。本文基于跨文化交际理论，主要是从中美友谊的类型、定义、方式、目的、责任五个方面的不同分析中美友谊观差异，同时分析产生差异的原因，从而使人们对友谊观有更好的理解，减少误解，更加积极地参与跨文化交际的过程, 旨在为文化背景不同的人们之间的跨文化交际有所启示。

关键词：跨文化交际；友谊观；差异；原因

Contents

1. Introduction 1

2. Literature Review 2

3. An Introduction to Cross-cultural Communication 3

4. Differences between Chinese and American Friendship Values 4

4.1 Different types of friendship 4

4.2 Different definitions of friendship 5

4.3 Different ways of establishing and maintaining friendship 6

4.4 Different purposes of making friends 8

4.5 Different liabilities of friends 8

5. Reasons for the Differences between Chinese and American Friendship Values 9

5.1 Different economic bases 9

5.2 Different traditional cultures 10

5.3 Different ways of thinking and different mentalities 11

5.4 Other reasons 11

6. Conclusion 12

Works Cited 13

1. Introduction

Because of many factors, such as economy, politics or geography, different countries have different cultures. With the rapid development of globalization, communication between different countries becomes more and more frequent. When people from different countries exchange their ideas, conflicts may inevitably emerge. That is to say, when people make friends with foreigners, there may be many problems that people cannot predict and understand. For example, there is a short story, a story about different friendship values, going like this. Mr Zhao and Mr Qian were good friends. Mr Zhao was born in China while Mr Qian was born in America. Mr Zhao once lent money to Mr Qian and saw him through. Later, Mr Qian paid off all the debts and interests. Mr Qian helped arrange for Mr Zhao’s daughter transferring to a good school. A year later, Mr Zhao asked Mr Qian to help him find a job for his nephew. One of Mr Qian’s Friends in America got to know this and he could not understand it. He thought that Mr Qian had already paid off the debts so that Mr Qian was not responsible for helping Mr Zhao to do other things.（Xu Lisheng, 2009: 76）

Chinese and American friendship values may have many similarities. Friend and friendship are eternal themes talked by people all over the world since ancient times. Both Chinese and Western people value friendship. Friendship is an important part of people’s daily life. If a person does not have friends, he will feel lonely and his life seems flat to him. Accordingly, there are some proverbs about friendship. For example, there is a Chinese proverb going like this “Friends are just like two brothers”. However, different countries hold different ideas about friendship which are called different friendship values. So many divergences appear in the process of communicating with foreigners. Nowadays, more and more students choose to go abroad for further study. Some people even choose to work abroad. They cannot avoid making friends with foreigners. They may discover that the way of making friends with foreigners, to some degree, is different from the way they once used in their hometown. In order to improve the efficiency of study and their work, it is necessary for them to know the differences of friendship values before they get in touch with foreigners.

2. Literature Review

Friendship values is not a new concept. It can date back to ancient times. Many people have had researches on friendship values. Researchers can be a novelist or a scholar and they are not only Chinese people but also some foreigners.

China is a state of ceremonies from ancient times. They pay much attention to their friends. One of the four classical novels—Romance of the Three Kingdoms, the writer Luo Guanzhong described a famous story called Oath of the Peach Garden. (Luo Guanzhong 2008: 1) Liu, Zhang and Guan became sworn brothers and helped each other to defend their territory. The writer shew friendship values in the form of novels by writing historical stories. This kind of friendship is very sincere. They are willing to do anything for their friends at all costs.

Published in 1936, How to Win Friends and Influence People, Dale Carnegie"s book is full of advice for people to achieve success in business and personal lives. On the cover of his book, he told that after reading this book, you can improve your personal character and morals, win your own happiness, broaden your future and increase your income. In this book, Dale Carnegie taught readers how to win other people’s affection and support and change other people’s mind without arousing discontent. (Carnegie, 2010: 189) Readers can get a lot of advice after reading this book. This book is one of the best-selling self-help books. In a word, his book is from the perspective of education, which helps improve people themselves.

Li Qingli, one of the current scholars, analyzed the differences of friendship values from the perspective of American campus films. Most scriptwriters and directors of American campus films are young people. Love, friendship, study and career of young people are often the themes of this kind of films. She cited two American campus films. One is Mean Girls and the other is The Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants. She took the plots in the films as examples and accordingly stated the differences of friendship values. One of her opinions is that ways of treating friends are different. She approved her idea by analyzing the plots of the film—The Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants. (Li Qingli, 2013: 29)

The differences of friendship values is just concrete manifestations of culture. So in this thesis, friendship values is analyzed from the perspective of cross-cultural communication theory which is different from all above and is a new point of view.

3. An Introduction to Cross-cultural Communication

Cross-cultural communication is not a new concept. It has a long history. In ancient times, people from one tribe contacted people from other tribes. Different tribes had different cultures.

Though cross-cultural contact has a long history, today’s cross-cultural phenomena are more common and important.

Nowadays, information technology has become more and more developed. It is convenient for people to have an access to transportation and communication systems, which has accelerated cross-cultural communication. People can call their friends or family members who are abroad in a second. Information can be shared promptly. They can appear in front of them in a few hours by air.

Globalization of the economy is another factor which brings people together. Some multinational corporations are set up all around the world. People have more chances to make contact with foreigners.

People now encounter many other people with cultural backgrounds that are different from their own. It is very essential for them to understand the differences.

In a word, cross-cultural communication can be simply defined as the communication between those who have different cultural backgrounds. Cross-cultural communication is not limited to the communication between foreigners. Someone can even have cross-cultural communication within his own country for even within a country, different people have different cultures. (Xu Lisheng, 2009: 11)

In the process of cross-cultural communication, people may discover that different lands have different friendship. Different friendship values is one of the important aspects. So it is necessary for people to know different friendship values so that they can communicate with each other more smoothly. In the following part, the differences of friendship values will be discussed.

4. Differences between Chinese and American Friendship Values

There is a large discrepancy between Chinese opinions on friendship and Americans’. This thesis will discuss the differences from five aspects: different types, different definitions, different ways of establishing and maintaining friendship, different purposes and different liabilities.

4.1 Different types of friendship

Interpersonal relationship is the fundamental part in cross-cultural communication. In addition, friendship is an important branch of interpersonal relationship. So when it comes to different friendship values, it must mention interpersonal relationship theory.

Interpersonal relationship refers to social relationship established by people, including classmates relationships, teacher-student relationships, friendship, employment relationships and so on. There are three types of interpersonal relationships. They are affective type, instrumental type and complex type.

Affective type refers to emotional need in the process of interpersonal communication. This kind of interpersonal relationship is permanent and stable. It is a kind of relationship which is maintained by family members, intimate friends or other close groups. The aim of this relationship is to meet the needs of warmth, love, sense of security and belonging. You can express your feelings without scruple when affective type occurs. This relationship is sincere and members do not need to disguise themselves.

Instrumental type means that people view the relationship as an instrument to achieve their aims. This kind of interpersonal relationship is not the same as affective one. Affective type itself is an aim. However instrumental type is just a method someone chooses to achieve his or her goal. Some people just want to make use of the resources that others can provide. Some scholars believe that instrumental type is a heartless type. This kind of interpersonal relationship is transient and unstable. For example, the relationship between the clerk and the customer or the relationship between the driver and the passenger are concrete manifestations.

Complex type contains both affective and instrumental types. This type is a mature type. What dose mature mean here? It means that only when people are familiar with each other and they know each other well can form complex type. This type is not absolutely sincere. It still has a certain aim.

It is widely believed that Chinese interpersonal relationship belongs to the former one and the latter one while American interpersonal relationship tends to belong to the instrumental type. So it is not very surprising that Chinese people consider American people selfish and unkind while American people consider Chinese too dependent on others. Chinese and American friendship values are different.

4.2 Different definitions of friendship

In Chinese dictionary, friends are those you get in touch with or the people you love. However, in American dictionary, the definition of friendship refers to a wider range. People you meet by chance can be called friends. A person with whom you have close relationship is also a friend. In Oxford Advanced Learner’s English-Chinese Dictionary, there are several definitions about friends. The first one refers to person you like. The second one refers to supporters. A friend can also be an assistor or your client. Someone you just meet once is your friend. Your relatives are your friends. It is very obvious that there are several definitions of friends. To distinguish real friends, Chinese often have distinct standards. Chinese people are often very careful to choose their friends.

A Chinese writer named Jinyong once said that Chinese people see their friends as brothers. They become sworn brothers and swear that they will die at the same time. Chinese people really value friendship that they have established with others. They even do not care about their lives. Jinyong also said that only lovers swear that they will die at the same time in Western society. Chinese people are loyal to friends. Maybe friendship is more important than other things in Chinese society. So Chinese people think that friends are those who have the same hobbies and who are ready to help each other. They can pour out their troubles when they are in hot water and their friends will listen carefully. Afterwards, they may give advice to their friends. Friends must be those they can trust.

Compared with Chinese friendship, the scope of American friendship is wider. For instance, a friend can be a playmate in childhood, someone new in a strange place, a business partner or a trusted people you have got acquainted with for a long time. Americans call for freedom. They can make new friends at any time. America is a liquid country. (Lanier, 2005: 209) They live here today and they will move to another place tomorrow. When they move to new places, they will make new friends and maybe they will not get in touch with their old neighbors. So American friendship is transient and unstable. Friendship can be changed because of changing environment.

American friends stress that they should respect each other and treat each other with all sincerity. They talk about hobbies, festivals, films, news, books, sports and so on. They never talk about privacies. For example, salary, family background, women’s ages and many other private things. In a word, American friends will not poke into private affairs. In particular, American friends always clear their account. For example, if friend A asks friend B to do something for him, A will pay B in hours or by the another way. When they go out to have dinner together, if they are not invited by someone, they will pay by themselves. This phenomenon is very common in America. It does not mean that they are not good friends and they pay particular attention to money. If you think like this, you are really wrong. It just reflects that American people value independence and fairness. However, in China, it is unacceptable.

Chinese friends are very intimate. They talk about hobbies, films, news like Americans. Besides, they sometimes talk about privacies, which shows that they are not ordinary friends and their relationship is very close. If friends talk about privacies they can be called real friends.

4.3 Different ways of establishing and maintaining friendship

Firstly, Americans can make friends in one minute. For example, they may make friends with a stranger in the bus although it is difficult for them to become close friends. American people are very easygoing, they make new friends at any place if they want. However, Chinese people may spend more time making friends. When they meet a strange person, they may talk to each other. But the people they talk to can not be called a friend. They need to learn more about each other before they become friends or they will become good friends if they overcome difficulties together. So it is not very surprising that a Chinese treat an American as a friend but the American has forgotten last warm dialogue.

Secondly, Chinese people wish to make a life-long friend. So they do a lot for their friends to maintain friendship. For example, Chinese people may invite their close friends to their home for a big dinner or send gifts to their friends to show their amity. Friendship will not change because of the change of environment. They still keep in touch with their friends in their childhood. They will not forget their former kind neighbors who helped them after they move to new houses. There are words going like this in a Chinese song “ Make acquaintance with new friends and remember old friends.” Chinese value friendship for a long time. Friendship is also like love or family affection which needs to be nurtured. However, in America, friendship maybe does not last forever. So they may not do so many things as Chinese to maintain friendship. American society is a liquid society. Friendship will change along the changing environment. Americans will change good friends several times even in one year. Americans advocate individualism. They are curious about new things and they like adventures. Because of job, marriage and other factors, they move to another place. They make new friends in the new place. Meanwhile, they lose touch with old friends and the former friendship disappear. For example, Chinese have stable roommates in college. They help each other and take care of each other. They become very good friends and they keep in touch with each other after they graduate. When one of the roommates gets married, the others will attend the wedding. However, American friendship is just like handkerchief. People will throw it away after they use it.

Chinese often chat with their friends on the Internet or by telephone. If they do not contact their friends, the relationship between them will become more and more distant. So they may send gifts to friends when their friends’ birthdays come. However, American people are not the same. They are more independent. It is not very difficult to understand that Americans do not do a lot of things to maintain friendship.

4.4 Different purposes of making friends

Chinese people seldom make friends with others for a certain purpose in the beginning. Making friends itself is some kind of purpose to some degree. They make friends with those who share the same hobbies with them or those who have a lot of topics to talk to them. So they do not have a clear purpose or they just do not have purposes. However, in America, they think that useful things are good while useless things are bad. This kind of thought is just the expression of American pragmatism. Accordingly, Americans have such kind of friendship values. American people value interests. The sincere treatments to friends, generous and unselfish help, mutual understanding are seldom considered.

So it is not difficult to come to a conclusion that Chinese people and American people have different purposes of making friends.

4.5 Different liabilities of friends

As Chinese people, you may have such experience: when you are busy with some work, one of your best friends wants to invite you to go shopping with her together, it is very difficult for you to turn down her invitation. So you may pause your work and continue it after you come back. Chinese people emphasize righteousness. If they refuse their friends’ requirements, they think their friends will be unhappy, which will affect their relationship. What’s more, sometimes, even their friends do not ask them to do something , they help their friends of their own accord. They think it is the responsibility as a friend. However , in America, if you do not ask your friend for help, it is impossible for them to help you voluntarily. If they are busy and unwilling to help you, you should respect them. In their values, helping others is not their liabilities. If they once accept other’s help, they need to thank others a lot. They emphasize independence. They do not like to disturb their friends if they can solve the problems themselves. If they do need friends’ help, they will put forward their requirements politely. They may apologize to their friends for the trouble they have brought. Even if they are very close friends, they still use such sentences. For example: Could you help me, please? Do you mind...? However, when Chinese people ask their best friends to help them, they do not need to use such sentences. If they use these sentences, it reflects that they are not close enough. Maybe their friends will be angry. So if Chinese people make friends with American people, they should pay attention to this difference. If not, Americans will think that Chinese people are not polite and friendly.

Chinese often do some things with the help of friends. There is a proverb going like this “Depend on parents at home and depend on friends outside.” For instance, Chinese people may look for a job with the help of friends. Sometimes, when Chinese people see a doctor, they may telephone their friends in that hospital ahead so that they can be carefully taken care of. In particular, Chinese people are willing to spend some money if they accept such help. It is really unacceptable in American society. If you tell this to an American, he will be very surprised. Americans may think it is unfair and inexplicable. For example, in the film Guasha, the leading character Datong was very angry because his best American friend Kunlun did not help him in the court and told the judge that Datong abused his child. Datong shouted in the court “I treat you as my best friend , why did you do like this?” Kunlun was confused because he just told the truth.

In a word, Americans do not have responsibilities for their friends. The relationship between them is fair and friendly. Chinese people emphasize that they should help each other.

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