文化信仰对中西女性婚姻观的影响

论文总字数：32571字

摘 要

几乎对于所有人，恋爱婚姻都是必需的人生经历。在选择配偶上,女方比较关注男方的经济状况和社会地位，想嫁高富帅。向往美好生活之心，此乃人之常情。但是，婚姻感情一旦涉及到金钱和权势，很可能成为财富和政治的牺牲品，所以树立正确的婚姻观有利于女性觅得真正的幸福。中西方女性受基督教文化与儒家文化的影响，对待婚姻的观念也有很差异，取长补短，有利于中国女性树立正确的婚姻观，获得家庭与婚姻的幸福。

关键词：婚姻观；基督教婚姻；儒家文化

Contents

1. Introduction 1

2. Literature Review 1

3. Comparison of Marriage Concepts between Chinese and Western Women 2

3.1 Differences in women’s concepts of marriage 2

3.2 Similarities in women" concepts of marriage 5

4. The Role of Cultural Beliefs in the Shaping of Marriage Concepts 7

4.1 The source and connotation of Christian marriage 8

4.2 The influence of Confucian culture on Chinese contemporary marriage 11

5. Conclusion 12

Works Cited 13

1. Introduction

Marriage is the basis of human ethics, and play an important role in social life. Different Chinese and western cultural beliefs result in different views on marriage, especially reflected in women. With the end of the feudal era, influenced by western culture, Chinese traditional views on marriage gradually changed. At the same time of thought liberation, Chinese people"s marriage concepts become more and more complex. There is a hot debate on the complicate current marriage situation among the whole society. How to lead the contemporary Chinese women to establish a correct concept of marriage? It has a great significance to do research on this subject.

This thesis is based on the studies of the comparison of distinctions and similarities of marriage. Then to analyze the similarities and differences between Chinese and western females’ concepts of love and marriage. First is a brief review and summary of research on marriage, followed by the comparison of marriage concepts between Chinese and western women, finally analyzes the role of cultural beliefs in the shaping of marriage concepts.

2. Literature Review

Many scholars has studied the marriage between Chinese and western culture. Sun Jianjun thinks that obvious differences exist in Chinese and western marriage. First is the differences of the purposes of marriage. Second is the different standard in choosing a spouse. The last is the differences of relationship of the couple. He points out that distinctive styles exist in different cultures. (Sun 152) Gong Lixia suggests that Chinese and western marriage have their similarities. She summarizes the recent general trend of marriage customs in Chinese and western two cultures. First of all, the delay of marriage age. Second, marriage custom is much simpler than in the past. Third, the wedding is often a Kind of luxury. Fourth, the formation of new marriage custom. Fifth, naked marriage emerges at the historic moment. (Gong 48)

The research on Christian marriage is relatively less, but we can still find some works. In nearly a decade, more and more scholars focus on the contemporary marriage life, discussing marriage problems, analyzing the root of all kinds of contradictions in marriage, thus to seek for a correct concept of marriage. For example, Medieval Christian Marriage in Western Europe written by Liu Xincheng. It introduced the formation and development of Christian marriage in details, and help us understand the nature of Christian marriage. Besides, Sun yi"s Theological Reflection on the Engagement as a Covenant has described the religious reformers’ concepts of marriage. As for the studies of contemporary Chinese marriage, they are too numerous to mention one by one. Such as Shao Fuxian"s Marriage and Family in China and the works mentioned below. They had analyzed contemporary Chinese marriage from different angles.

To sum up, we can see that scholars has already done a lot of research on marriage. Through the comparison of differences and similarities of marriage, they use their own way to discover the potential cultural reasons.

1. Comparison of Marriage Concepts between Chinese and Western Women

Marriage, in a nutshell, is the view and attitude of marriage and family. There is a great difference in marriage concepts between Chinese and westerners. Westerners think that marriage is a personal affair and they brook no outside interference. They also think one has the right to choose his or her partner. In their points of view, it is cruel to force two people who do not love each other to live together. In traditional Chinese concepts of marriage, the couple should love and live with each other forever. This thesis will discuss the differences in marriage between Chinese and western women from three aspects that included in the concepts of marriage. They are standards in choosing marriage partners, factors to sustain a marriage, and views on divorce.

3.1 Differences in women’s concepts of marriage

3.1.1 Standards in choosing marriage partners

Many western women advocate the absolute freedom of marriage, and mostly rely on their own preferences and feeling when choosing a mate. If men and women love each other, have common interests and hobbies, they can then get married and have a family.(Yu 199) While most women in China value economic conditions or potential power, such as money, background, status and position.(Yu life 139) In Shanghai, if a man wants to marry a woman, he needs to spend 12 years saving money without any expenses. In Beijing, if a man wants to marry a middle-class woman, he needs 700,000 yuan. In China, men with no house are at a disadvantage in choosing a mate. What’s more, since the feudal society, the idea of "rigidity" has been popular. It is culturally very strong, and rooted in the public that it is important to choose a marriage partner with similar economy, power, and family background. There is rare example that the degree and economic conditions vary widely between husband and wife. A famous sentence said by the contestant on “If You Are the One”: “I would rather cry in a BMW, rather than laughing on the bike” well reflects the standard and value orientation of contemporary Chinese women’s concepts of marriage.

In comparison, in some western countries, women less value money and house. Even if there is no house, they can also get married, and then two struggle together to buy a house. The differences in family background, economic status, education, experience, and even religious beliefs would not probably be blocks in true love. As long as they love each other, they can be couples. Thus, a well-born girl is likely to choose a guy with markedly different background in the process of looking for her Mr. right, because of being attracted by his humor. The prince and Cinderella"s romantic love story in the western fairy tale often happen in real life. Britain"s prince Charles finally chose Camilla a girl with ordinary background and appearance as his wife, because the two people have common character and interests.(Sun 152) Chinese women could not image the reason why western women do not care about houses and cars in such a highly developed economy. western women, of course, also can"t understand why Chinese women must married a man with a house.

In addition, Chinese women are willing to choose a partner who is older than herself, while western women do not have many requirements on men"s ages. On the contrary, they are more willing to find a young strong man for marriage. But both the Chinese and western women prefer to choose a man who is able to give her a sense of security, and especially the Chinese women.(Wang 261)

3.1.2 Factors to sustain a marriage

When asked the most important elements to sustain the marriage, Chinese women will mostly consider love, family and children, especially the whole family and children. Many Chinese women think that marriage is a way for two to live together, and they do not ask for any other need. In addition to the physiological and psychological needs, they believe that marriage is means to inherit the family line.(Liao 91) In the past, man was dominant in the family economy, and women economically depended on men. However, women are increasingly involved in the family economy. Because their economic status gradually improved, their views on marriage has a lot of changes. Love become a more important element to sustain a marriage and maintain the harmonious relationship between the couple.

However, western women consider marriage as a contract.(Gan 30) As long as they are married, they must be loyal to each other. As for them, loyalty is the most important element to keep a happy marriage. In addition, they also emphasize the importance of family values. No matter what job their husbands do, they must cherish his family. Different from women in China, western women think that sex is another important factor to stay married.(Li 316) They do not think that sex is a shame, or unacceptable and unpresentable. On the contrary, they believe that sex is a good thing, and play an important role in sexual happiness. western women also think the couple sharing the household duties play a positive role in a long-time marriage. In western women"s eyes, the man should also share housework. A woman can cook, shopping, decorate house, and look after their children, meanwhile, men can repair cars, clean the yard, and wash dishes.

3.1.3 Views on divorce

As is known to all, the divorce rate is very high in the west. The divorce of all sorts of stars or public figures have been reported commonly.(Xiao 341) With a growing number of leftover women, many western women are willing to accept a divorce, and think that divorce is a very normal thing. They can"t accept the disloyalty of her husband. Of course, there are a few western women who will not take this method to solve the emotional problem. But most western women think that if the two do not love each other or have extramarital affair, they will end their marriage. In addition, when the couple have emotional matters, others rarely give emotional dredging in western countries where fair weather friends abound. This is another reason for America"s high divorce rate.

With our society becoming more and more open, the economic and social status of Chinese women gradually improved, and they can speak more on their own behalf in the marriage. And with the addition of the influence of western culture, some Chinese women dare to choose to divorce her partner. According to the statistics on divorce rate in 2015, there is an increasing trend towards the divorce rate in China . Even so, most Chinese women still fear to divorce, because the two persons may have conflicts with children, property and so on. When they have marriage problems, divorce may not be an optional way to solve the problem, and this way mainly exist among women who possess high income and high academic qualifications. Although their husband may have an extramarital affair, most Chinese women would choose to maintain the marriage. The stable marriage relationship between couples also results from the collective society in china. Chinese society is one with human interest, and we Chinese people are so much of our self-esteems. So when Chinese women have marriage problems, they will talk to friends or go back to parental home alone for a period of time. After they have been comforted by others, the atmosphere of this mutual concern and care soon make conflicts disappear. Besides, because of the pressure from family and society, a lot of Chinese women are careful with divorce. In China, women who get married after twenty-five tend to possess higher academic qualifications, higher intelligence, and higher economic income. Unfortunately, this kind of women in China is not a great option for marriage to most Chinese men, at the same time, this kind of women often has a high expectation on their partners. This made a great number of leftover women in china.(Wang women 18)

3.2 Similarities in women" concepts of marriage

3.2.1 The delay of marriage ages

Although there are lots of distinctions between China and western country in love and marriage, such as the different ideas or different notion, there are still many things in common between Chinese and western females’ love and marriage in many aspects. The first is the delay of marriage ages. The Chinese usually got married between 20 to 26 years old before, but now their marriage ages delay to 23 to 30 years old, or even later.(Gong 48) In the west, young men and women were able to delay marriage age, now that kind of marriage is one of the few examples of a teenager. First of all, people choose to wait longer to get married, because they want to determine the relationships between the two individuals further. They want to achieve a perfect relationship as far as possible, because the relationships between their parents may be unstable and eventually result in divorce. Secondly, because of the improvement of people’s ideological and cultural quality, many youth expect to make great progress in his career before marriage. Some other people feast the freedom and happiness of being single, and don’t want to be bounded by the chains of marriage. The last point is that the employment pressure, the development pressure, and the pressure of the material are becoming more and more stressed. People don’t want to get married until the economic conditions are ripe.

3.2.2 The emergence of naked marriage

The second is the emergence of naked marriage. Naked marriage in popular words refers to a simple way of getting married that directly license to get married without buying a house or car, holding a wedding party and even with no wedding ring. The first reason is social pressure. It is hopeless for young people to buy a house with soaring house prices. The latest survey shows that nearly half of the working people who are about to be 30 own no house or car, making them have to choose a naked marriage. The second reason is the pursuit of pure love. Many young people believe in the frugal way of marriage proving the pure love. Whether they are happy in marriage, it has nothing to do with a grand wedding party or an auspicious day for marriage. The key is that whether they could meet the right person. If they do, they are willing to get married with no banquet, no honeymoon, and not taking wedding photos.

3.2.3 The yearning for true love

The last is the yearning for true love. For example, in the Chinese classics "the butterfly lovers," Zhu Yingtai, a girl from an affluent family, disguised as man to study in Hangzhou, meeting with Liang Shanbo, the son of civilians. They traveled together, being classmate for three years and forged a deep affection. When Liang Shanbo was aware that Zhu Yingtai was a girl, he was pleased to propose a marriage. But he was told that Zhu Yingtai has pledged to Ma Wencai. The two people struggle for the freedom of love, but was still not allowed by the society at that time. Liang Shanbo died of depression. Finally Zhu Yingtai committed suicide for love at Liang’s grave mound. Also in the Western literature performed such a tragedy. In Shakespeare"s play "Romeo and Juliet", Romeo and Juliet know and love each other at a party. What they did not expect was that the two families have been feuding for generations. This kind of relationship make the two people finally can"t be together. However, obstruction still can not stop their determination to pursue free love. Finally they held a secret wedding, hoping to break through all bound to be together. They also, like the Butterfly Lovers, can only use the death to defend their pursuit of free love.(Feng 113)

4. The Role of Cultural Beliefs in the Shaping of Marriage Concepts

What is culture? According to English Anthropologist Edward B Taylor, culture is that complex whole which includes knowledge, belief, art, law, morals, custom, and any other capabilities and habits acquired by man as a member of society.And what is belief? Belief is the state of mind in which a person thinks something to be the case, with or without there being empirical evidence to prove that something is the case with factual certainty. Another way of defining belief is, it is a mental representation of an attitude positively oriented towards the likelihood of something being true.

4.1 The source and connotation of Christian marriage

4.1.1 The ideological origin of Christian marriage

Christianity began as a sect of Judaism, and later was identified as a heresy. In the process of continuous development, the cultural ideology of Judaism had a great impact on Christianity. Many Christian ideas are directly absorbed from Jewish culture.(Shan 21) Many provisions of the marriage in the bible is the source of the Christian cultural  perspective. And Judaism classic, the Christian old testament, which for a number of provisions of the marriage, is the main source of Christian marriage.

In the development process of Christianity in all over the world, it also absorbed a lot of other ideas, and made some influence on the Christian view of marriage. For example, in the Roman law, "the agreement of both two sides” is the only standard of a valid marriage. The so-called "both sides" refers to the couple, but also refers to the couple"s parents, and the person who has the right to make a decision for the couple. The definition of marriage in Christianity is based predominantly on Roman law, but the “both sides” only refers to the groom and the bride.（Liu 106）

The marriage concepts in Christianity are formed in the course of the history, with the rise of Christianity and gradually improved. With the spread of Christianity all over the world, the marriage concepts in Christianity are widely accepted by Christians. And according to the actual needs of Christians, the church could make an adjustment to some relevant provisions, in the hope of being widely accepted by people. In the process of spread, Christian views on marriage has being improved gradually.

4.1.2 The connotation of Christian marriage

First of all, Christian marriage is a Contractual marriage. In Christians’ opinions, marriage is established and given by god. It is a kind of blessing for Christians.(Sun Reflection 226) Man is the masterpiece of god. When god saw Adam alone, he took the initiative to care about him. Therefore, god created eve from Adam’s rib to accompany him. It is obvious that Christian marriage is the gift from god. So in Christians" views on marriage, marriage is a holy thing written on a contract. According to the regulation of the bible, in summary, god’s purposes of setting up marriage includes three aspects. First, as partners, to serve god together and to be closer to god, in the hope of salvation. Second, getting married and enduring afflictions, to atone for their "original sin". Third, to raise a pious descent, and to release people"s sexual desire properly, avoiding fornication. So, they do not think that sex is a shame. In genesis chapter 1 and chapter 2 about the creation of Adam and eve, it is said that marriage is a sacred covenant managed by god. This kind of relationship includes two meanings. The first is the equal relationship between the couples which requires them to love and help each other. The other is one between god and the couples. As god"s followers, both husband and wife should serve god. They are the children of god, being blessed by god, and try to get closer to god. So Christians think their marriage is very stable, because god is the foundation and guarantee of their marriage. God and the couple, formed a very solid triangle, and the triangle is the most solid geometry. Marriage means the combination of the both sides of husband and wife as a covenant. It is built on eternal love and asks for nothing in return. The contractual marriage brook no disloyalty. Therefore, western women choose to divorce when they find affairs.

There is a very important viewpoint in Christian marriage. The couple whose beliefs are different couldn"t live happily together. If marry pagan, they will be far away from the joy of serving god together in marriage. Because of the lack of a common faith, they will lack a common pursuit and the highest level of joy.In Christian marriage, marrying unbelievers, perhaps marriage is happy in this life, but for Christians, they should have a higher pursuit, that is redemption in the afterlife(Daniel 387). However, the combinations between Christian and pagan are common nowadays. Some Christians can affect their partners to make them Christians. The others should face the conflicts between faith and reality. In the modern Christian marriage, marrying unbelievers is no longer being banned. Christianity advocates marrying someone who shares a common belief, because faith can deeply affect a person"s world view, values and marriage. It has similar ideological bases with the traditional Chinese marriage that is marriage happening between families of equal social rank.

The second is the equal status but different responsibilities of couples. In the second chapter of genesis, god created a woman for Adam. A woman called his helper, is to help him. The "helpful" in the Hebrew here is complementary, not humble or slavery. Augustine said: god designs men and women of equal status. The instructions are equal too. It reminds husband to love his wife as his main duty, and this love is selfless and altruistic, just as Christ loving the church and sacrificing for it(Paul 948). So, different from Chinese males, western males don’t think it is his wife’s responsibilities to do all the housework. Why is it emphasized in the bible? Because in real life, it is uneasy for a husband to pay attention to his wife"s need for love. It is said love is just a ornament in men"s life, but it is women"s whole life.

The main duty of the wife is to obey in the bible. It is not passive or blind, but has the optimistic meaning.The bible does not ask woman to become her husband"s slave or be humbler than her husband, also does not require the wife not to express her opinion, burying her talent with blind obedience. But because of being in awe of the Lord, to follow the arrangement of god, obeying her husband with a virtuous heart. The ideal wife is described as a virtuous woman that can do good to her husband. Wife obeying her husband, is not only a demand for Christians, but also meet man"s common psychological need. Influenced by androcentrism, men tend to be sensitive to his reputation, especially the requirement of his wife"s respect and support,or his pride will be ruffled. This perhaps is the common failing of the patriarchal society. Chinese traditional marriage also required women to be submissive and virtuous, but of men had no such requirements.

The last is the independence of marriage. The Christian marriage is free. The formation of Christian marriage depends on both the male and the female, voluntarily, not affected by other people around. At the same time, Christian claims that the concept "under god, all people are equal", so Christian marriage is not influenced by class, breaking the limit that people who do not belong to the same class can"t get married. The independence of Christian marriage reflects in the couple forming their own family without relying on their parents(Moses 5). " leave " and " unity " is two principles of Christian marriage. The" leave "here means spiritually, they no longer depend on parents; and materially, make money to feed yourself and loved ones, and live an independent life. As for the "unity ", refers to husband and wife being together, combining into one. Not only the combination of the bodies, but also including the thoughts and feelings. Therefore, western women are usually independent of their husband. They choose a man with common thoughts and feelings, rather than a man with power and money.

4.2 The influence of Confucian culture on Chinese contemporary marriage

Chinese culture is one with 5000 years. The feudal society lasted for over 2000 years. The traditional Confucian culture has already deeply rooted in people"s ideology and life. First, due to the influence of Confucian culture, our society is still a patriarchal one. Confucius once said: only women and the reprobate are about the get along with. Thus it can be seen that participants were marked as snobbish persons even in the sage’s eyes. It was a clear debasement of women and completely reflected a current concept in that time that men are superior to women. This notion were also to in “five virtues” and “three from the four virtues”. So women are often in weak positions in marriage and family. Not only do they need to work, but also do housework.

Second, in ancient china, although there was the general mood of free love among the people, the arrangements of parents and the help of matchmakers were the ways to select a partner and lasted for thousands of years.(Shao 35) If cutting these red tapes, the combination of men and women were seen as private settle for life. Many couples even doesn"t have a chance to meet each other before combination, let alone love really is there. Therefore, when choosing a mate, Chinese women prefer to choose a man with power and money. Not only because they are snobbish, but also because of the request of their parents.

Third, under the influence of the thought of “grand unification” in Confucian culture, the fusion of two families means not only the combination of a couple, but the participation of the whole family members in the process of integration.(Jiang and Hong 109) These ethical ideas still have impact on temporary culture. Collectivism is the core value of Chinese culture, and personal interests should sacrifice for collective interests. We should pay attention to cultivate a harmonious and tolerant interpersonal relationship. Thus, the behavior of Chinese family members is under the premise of the interests of the whole family. In China, marriage no longer belongs to personal issues. It contains many factors like reputation, morality, responsibility and so on.(Xiao 341) Under the influence of this kind of traditional culture, many Chinese women do not dare to divorce for the sake of children, family, and their face, even though their husband betray them.

5. Conclusion

To sum up, under the influence of christian marriage, western women and their husband have equal family status. They do not depend on their husband or family and they have the right to choose their own partners. In comparison, Chinese women are often in weak positions in marriage and family. They are used to depending on their husband and their parents usually have a hand in the choice of their partners. So there are many differences in marriage concepts between Chinese women and western women. Especially reflected in the standard in choosing marriage partners, the factors to sustain a marriage and the views on divorce. With further communication between China and western countries, Chinese traditional view on marriage has changed a lot. A lot of Chinese women"s concepts on marriage also gradually tend to be more open. They began to choose their partners according to the individual will, rather than for the interests of their parents and the whole family. But there are still many backward thought in some aspects. Thus, through comparative studies, we should absorb the reasonable part of western culture, complementing each other, constantly improving our own view of marriage, and to find true happiness in family and marriage.

Works Cited

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